I Promise

I'll wear black eyeliner
instead of brown
I'll listen to slow meaningful songs that don't really make sense
     I'll pretend they do.

I'll stop lying - I promise.

I'll run a red light at 5:10 in the morning
Instead of sitting there thinking how I had you so close
and just let you walk away...again.
I'll start wearing yellow.
I'll start wearing jeans that don't sag.
I'll be comfortable in this skin
I promise
Instead of tearing at these cords and screaming
at the world to slow down - I'll run to catch up.

I'll become that better person I'm always promising to become
and it won't be for him
   just me.

I'll start working on things
I'll actually start trying
I promise.
I won't back out this time
I will  strip down and run  into the waves laughing
I will scream into the moon
I will dig my toes into the sand
I'll start believing again.
I can do this.

     I promise.