you don't look at me anymore. by MedeaPending, literature
Literature
you don't look at me anymore.
I used to be yours.
one of your pieces
you made me feel beautiful.
you made me beautiful.
In this dry dark place
I forget.
My pages crackle
and I cry
You used to keep my together.
now I'm always falling apart
pulled. confused. fuck
I can't remember anymore.
Everything feels different.
I am wrong here.
ugly and broken.
What am I doing?
you don't even look at me anymore
To the soldier standing in the corner.
Do you see beyond the shadows?
Where is your gun
little tin soldier
Where do you hide it?
behind all your metals and badges?
Behind all your tombstones and ditches.
Where are your babies
little mass murderer
Standing in the street with their hands up?
Standing in the corner
in the shadows
in the dark
with their eyes
gluedshut.
Where will you hide
little devil of darkness
when your gun goes off and the world around you fallsdown
wherewillyouhide with your little blind babies in a world filled with smoke
and rubble
and light?
He liked my singing
So I tore at my throat
shredding apart my vocal chords so
the only notes left were 'I'm sorry'.
He liked my writing
So I broke my wrists and fingers
refusing to ever write about
our story again.
He liked my art work
So I threw it into a pit of fire
watching as our symbolic memories
screamed up from the flames.
He liked my eyes.
He liked my jokes and my kisses
and how easy I was to hold
So I broke down and gave him Hope.
And then I left.
leaving behind only a pile of ash
and 'I'm sorry' crying up from the floor.
Step One. in becoming the girl you will never love -
Move far far away, so wandering hands become prone.
A result of having nothing within reach.
I. When I lay beside you on slides
and lean against you on rooftops,
can't you hear my body thrumming,
"Kiss me"?
Step Two. in becoming the girl you'll have no problem forgetting -
Constant
I don't want one of those sweet, heart rendering songs
I want a song like a smack in the face and a bruise on the arm.
The one that says
Fuck You. I don't love you
and this isn't home.
I'll wear black eyeliner
instead of brown
I'll listen to slow meaningful songs that don't really make sense
I'll pretend they do.
I'll stop lying - I promise.
I'll run a red light at 5:10 in the morning
Instead of sitting there thinking how I had you so close
and just let you walk away...again.
I'll start wearing yellow.
I'll start wearing jeans that don't sag.
I'll be comfortable in this skin
I promise
Instead of tearing at these cords and screaming
at the world to slow down - I'll run to catch up.
I'll become that better person I'm always promising to become
and it won't be for him
just me.
I'll start working on t
It's not so much that the world has separated itself from me
As it is I have separated myself from them...
And their lies
And their falsehoods
And all their insecurities.
I refuse to live in a world of tears.
Where a child has no memory of married parents
or having parents at all
Where every teenager bares scars of oppression and expectations on their shoulders
and wris
you don't look at me anymore. by MedeaPending, literature
Literature
you don't look at me anymore.
I used to be yours.
one of your pieces
you made me feel beautiful.
you made me beautiful.
In this dry dark place
I forget.
My pages crackle
and I cry
You used to keep my together.
now I'm always falling apart
pulled. confused. fuck
I can't remember anymore.
Everything feels different.
I am wrong here.
ugly and broken.
What am I doing?
you don't even look at me anymore
To the soldier standing in the corner.
Do you see beyond the shadows?
Where is your gun
little tin soldier
Where do you hide it?
behind all your metals and badges?
Behind all your tombstones and ditches.
Where are your babies
little mass murderer
Standing in the street with their hands up?
Standing in the corner
in the shadows
in the dark
with their eyes
gluedshut.
Where will you hide
little devil of darkness
when your gun goes off and the world around you fallsdown
wherewillyouhide with your little blind babies in a world filled with smoke
and rubble
and light?
Okay.
Here's the deal
You're destroying me.
Got that?
I don't mean the
"Oops
I knocked over your castle."
Destruction
I'm talking
World-dominating
All-consuming
Can-never-go-back
Destruction
I
Can
NEVER
Go
Back
I can never
be rebuilt
I can never
regain control
This is it
This that you're destroying
It's all I have
Got that?
Okay.
Carry on.
I sit here
Watching these fake tears
Applauding my falsehoods
The fools will never expect it.
I lay here
Faking your explosion
Poor, incompetent oafs
Do my lies amaze you?
I stand here
Polishing my decepetions
Admiring my brilliant distortions
Waiting for the world to catch on.
Why Art When You're a Poet? by MedeaPending, literature
Literature
Why Art When You're a Poet?
Why art when you're a poet?
Let me argue this
Every poem is art
Every art is poetry
From the words of a poet
A world can be painted
Crashing rivers
Tumbling mountains
A hotel suite
From the strokes of an artist
words can be found
Between two lovers
Through unending skylines
By the divine to the mortal
My art is my poetry
It's not simply brush strokes
In some attempt at an organized pattern.
It's my views of forever
It's my struggle with consciousness
It's my stories por
It's her cheek you slap
But it's my lips you kiss
My soul you apologize to.
It's him causing my paintings to fall
But it's you banging on my door
Demanding a denied entrance.
It's me you whisper to about forever
You scream to her about mistakes
of faults
and "can never go back"s.
It's you who makes leaving so hard
But it's him who makes hiding
All that much easier.
It's getting harder to separate her and me.
Her bruises make my lip sore
Her tears make my throat ache.
It's getting harder to deny
Meet Me in the Doorway by MedeaPending, literature
Literature
Meet Me in the Doorway
If you smile at me sweetly my darling
I will give you the most amazing rose
Hold the door open for me my lovely
Reach out and save me from all of this snow.
I can love you more than anyone dared
And put all of their sad attempts to shame
I can love you fully without compare
If you'd only let me in from this rain.
There is no one better for you my sweet
That can supply you with such affection
So open your door, save me from this heat
I will show you this love is perfection.
I'll save you from all that's been wrong before
If only you'd smile and open the door.
all the ways we say I love you by sweet-lyrical, literature
Literature
all the ways we say I love you
---
you glow, but only in a breathless voice like
breathing underwater. morning after scratches
down his back. love bites in unusual places. ruining
his shirt when your heart bleeds mascara isn't I love you,
but the fact that he let you is. don't go.
building yourself a home inside his ribs.yes,
I'll stay a little longer. sweet dreams text messages
at four am because he doesn't sleep like
normal people do. quiet desperation in the way
you say his name.
no, don't say that, don't ever say that. the night
he clung to you like a child because he dreamt that you
weren't breathing. please don't do this.
not this. knowing the angle of
---
i. do you love?
shhh. enough to paddle rafts across atlantic oceans
to brush fingers.
don't speak.
for this, I forsake my own centuries, chronologically absent
of you. I was there dragging pyramids from sand;
I was there.
(if love spans time,
non-linear, then I was a drop of salt
in your ocean when the world was new. I
was there for the celebrated supernova; we
were born of wrought iron and
fireworks and
heat.)
-and it was
It's because I'm so fucking inconsistent
I need you to help me function properly
So I don't relapse again
I'm getting so tired of relapsing.
I need you to help me
Not remember the nights that weren't ours
((It only sounds exactly the same!))
Don't mockingbird me.
When we slid around the baseball diamond
We didn't hold hands
And I didn't care that he got your name wrong
But there were no signs screaming
"Watch for Ice"